Check! Check!

Lining check!

The phlebotomist told me I should drink more water before coming in for blood draws.  DO I LOOK LIKE A NEWBIE? Improve your skills lady!

Ugh. 

I have been trucking along on Estrace since Thursday when I began 2mg once daily and today jacked up my dose to 4mg twice daily. 


My lining is at an 8!

Is it the POM juice, brazil nuts, Vitamin E or light cardio? Who knows, but lets keep on track little ol' plump uterine lining of mine. Keep making me proud!

Now my estrogen... My RE would like to see it at 300 prior to transfer. In the past with follicle growth, my estrogen likes to take the slow scenic route and then BAM were at 3,000. I'm a slow responder. 

I go back in on Wednesday for monitoring and possibly more blood tests for the blood clotting stuff and a NKa test just to make sure. I asked my nurse to mention it to my RE. I will do whatever she recommends.

I have been feeling much better than last week where I had a three day migraine from hell. Most likely courtesy of Lupron, but it also began shortly after Estrace. 

Who knows. Who cares. Its gone. THANK GOODNESS. 

Emotionally I have been a basket case which is pretty typical. I am terrified but optimistic. As of recently I feel very in control which is weird because in reality I have control over absolutely nothing, but I do have all of my laundry done so maybe that's it.  It doesn't take much for me these days! 

Until Wednesday...

2 for 1

This waiting game, sucks. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Anyone that tells you differently is a L-I-A-R, because as a good friend once told me adults don't fib they lie. 

The current wait is for CD1, which "should" be around February 14th. I stress should because remember that?

I went in for my mock transfer this past Monday, and things went smoothly. The catheter shot in retroverted and my cervix has a normal opening.  The process also involved a measuring tape. I forgot to ask, but googled and I guess she was measuring my uterus. No stone goes unturned, I swear.  I am hoping the actual transfer is just as seamless as the mock. 

*fingers crossed*

I asked if she could throw in a pap smear while she was there.  My past OB/GYN told me I could forgo yearly paps for every three years, and I just don't feel comfortable doing so especially after having a random abnormal pap a couple of years ago which led to a colposcopy which found absolutely nothing. 

I am not a fan of surprises, especially those that could involve pre-cancer or cancer.  Definitely not the wrench I need or want in my current life plan. 

We also discussed my latest NKa results which came back well within normal range and in-line, slightly higher than my results in March.  We are trusting my RE and lab and just going from there. I have read study after study, and its not enough for me to not at least try for a transfer using my RE's protocol rather than my RI's much more medicated protocol. 

Is it March yet? 

Kwak vs RE

We met with my RE to discuss Dr. Kwak-Kim's findings. She was surprised to see my NKC activity came back abnormal, as she ran a NKC assay in March and it came back within range. However, I have read NKC activity is always fluctuating. 

She does not agree with Dr. Kwak-Kim's recommended protocol, as she feels its too aggressive and treats test results rather than a complete individual. 

She was actually much more anti-Kwak than I thought she would be.  She told me she has had numerous hysterical patients because of her (eek!). I did not get that vibe from her, but I am not going to lie it was a very overwhelming amount of information.

She is retesting my NKC activity and if they are elevated she will prescribe intralipids (1st treatment one week before transfer and then a treatment every 4 weeks up to 20 weeks) and a 7 day dosage of Medrol pre-transfer. My RE is extremely anti IVIG, but very pro intralipids when necessary. She doesn't believe in 40mg of Lovenox twice daily right off the bat but rather monitoring weekly and adjusting the Lovenox as needed. She also feels the Metformin will not do much for me, but could assist in lowering inflammation.  She has also recommended me doubling my fish oil to twice daily (2000mg of EPA/DHA) and adding in Barlean's Twin Oil for additional Omegas. 

I really value my RE's opinion. If you remember I was very hesitant about giving Long Lupron another go, and she was right. It was my most successful cycle yet. 

I have heard of many patients following Kwak's protocol and adding intralipids instead of the IVIG.  As of right now, I think that is what we are going to go with. In addition, to the monitoring from Kwak. We are both undecided regarding the Prednisone treatment. I am not opposed to a low dose short term, but a large dose long term treatment is out of the question. 

I also plan on contacting Dr. Kwak's office regarding the endometrial biopsy she wants done. I feel as if the treatment would not change much regardless of the results, as IVIG is not an option. 

Stay tuned!

  

If this doesn't do it, I will wear shorts

I have three pairs of jeans to my name (that fit).  I was planning on purchasing new jeans this weekend, but quickly decided I should be able to fit into more of my jeans if I continue on this hardcore diet that Dr. Kwak Kim has suggested. 

So, if I don't lose, lose, lose - I will be wearing shorts in February in Chicago. Doesn't seem very pleasant, and I despise shorts. 

Dr. Kwak Kim believes my cytokines and PAI level will decrease with a significant amount of weight loss. 

So between that and the fact that I have three pairs of jeans to my name I think there is no better time than now to shed the 30 lbs I have gained over the last year. 

Here is my "plan"

• low carb - strictly following the PCOS diet 
• exercise at least 5 times per week - my Instagram followers have suggested lots of YouTube channels and DVDs.  My husband also introduced me to the big bulky exercise machine (Bow Flex) in my basement, and I plan on using that in addition to cardio. 
• meal planning - more work on the weekend, but less during the week!
• protein shakes - I hate them, but they are quick easy energy

So ya, I am hungry but I know the hard work and hunger will pay off.  

The Ultimate Egg Hunt

We made it through another retrieval! 

We made it to the office on time and my husband made arrangements that allowed him to be there until I went into the retrieval. My Mom was then there to drive my dopey self home. 

My anaesthesiologist had a very difficult time finding a vein - to the extent my left arm is full of horrific bruises and my right is full of bruises from the blood draws over the last two weeks and his pricking and prodding.  I have very little veins to work with and as he said they are all weak and tired. To that I added "tired of this bullshit." Can't say I blame them. Me too veins, me too. The nurse joked that I may have to drink the medicine. I must say I am at my funniest in a paper gown with my legs in monster stirrups. My egg retrievals are full of laughter. After 20 minutes of poking he found a workable vein. He is ridiculously lucky I paid him prior to the poking. 

Zzzzzzz...

I woke up 45 minutes later, and said "I am not asleep yet."

Oh anaesthesia, you are so much fun. 

I did not wake up in pain which is very different than my last two retrievals where I almost instantly felt uncomfortable cramping. My nurse had the Norco waiting, and I declined. 

I drank my juice box and waited for the egg count

20 eggs

I found out yesterday 10 fertilized - I am not going to lie I was a tad bit disappointed but this does give us a 50% fertilization rate, which I believe is in the normal range.  I also didn't ask how many of the 20 eggs were mature, most likely a few of the eggs were not which would leave us in a better place statistically in terms of fertilization. 

UPDATE - 18 fertilized!

PLEASE GROW EMBRYOS! 

I have been relaxing my days away, but have not had any substantial pain as my first two retrievals. I planned to be laid up in bed, per the usual.  Expect the unexpected.  Today has been my worst day in terms of bloat and being uncomfortable, but nothing compared to the torture of my past retrievals. Just mentally and physically exhausted. 

So now we wait...

Saving $ on Infertility Treatments

IVF is expensive, and over the past year I have researched and gathered some tips in regards to saving as much as you can when it comes to infertility treatments.  

Insurance Coverage for Infertility  

I have noticed this is a rarity even in states where some type of infertility coverage is mandated. My husband and I both live and work in Illinois and neither of our companies offer health insurance policies that cover infertility coverage. Gotta love the corporate loopholes!

However, it does not hurt to check!  Also, if you are in one of these states where coverage is mandated (Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Massachusetts, New Jersey or Rhode Island)  you should look into securing health insurance through plans in the individual and small group market during open enrollment.  You can begin browsing plans here.  Open enrollment is currently running through January 31, 2016. If you miss the enrollment period, you would not be eligible for the following year (laws are always changing!) unless you experience a qualifying life event. 

As I said above my health insurance coverage does not cover infertility, but almost all of the monitoring ultrasounds were covered.  So, be sure to inquire! 

SO LOOK NOW!

We have personally decided to secure a policy for 2016.  We are doing so because God willing we will have a good embryo(s) to transfer.  The policy premiums are pricey and the deductibles/out of pocket maximums are high, but it will still save us some $$$. 

In addition, we will retain our health insurance coverage through my employer and cancel the additional policy when no longer necessary (fingers and toes crossed!)

So, YES you can secure a second insurance policy through the Marketplace even if you have or are offered health insurance through your employer. Most likely you will not qualify for a subsidy.  However, you can deduct the insurance premiums on your tax return.   

Paying almost $700 per month for health insurance does not sound ideal, but when it comes to infertility coverage that's nothing in the grand scheme of things. 

Tax Savings

Infertility treatment expenses are tax deductible via IRS Schedule A.  This means treatments, prescriptions and travel expenses including mileage (.23 per mile for 2015). You may be laughing at the mileage but it adds up and every penny counts when it comes to this deduction.  Once you meet the threshold (10% of AGI) there is more reason to dig for deductions.  If a couple makes $100k AGI the tax savings will not kick in until they reach at least 10% of their AGI which would be $10k.  Anything above the $10k would qualify for a write off depending on the couples tax bracket.  

As you can see to maximize your tax savings, it would be wise to fit as much as you can in one calendar year. 

Another, way to save is to maximize your FSA (flex spending account) if you have access to one. The money in your FSA will be pretax dollars and can be used towards medical expenses.  Unfortunately, there is a max contribution of $2550. This money is made available to you January 1st which means it is also a small tax free loan of sorts. 

Med Savings 

Join local infertility Facebook groups where many women "pay it forward" with the meds they have leftover from a cycle. I have personally given away Ganirelix and Menopur after my first cycle. 

If you are running low on a med, and only need a very little to get by then check and see if your RE has any donations. I have also donated a 1/4 vial of Follistim to my RE for a woman who needed just a bit before trigger.  

There are also discount programs offered by many of the big fertility drug companies.  Check into Compassionate Care and First Steps.  There are many qualifications that must be met including income thresholds, but it doesn't hurt to try!

Also, look into med rebates.  I received a $150 rebate for Follistim. 

Do your research, ask around and price different pharmacies.  

Side Effects

I have never been one to really suffer from side effects when it came to drugs, but that is until Lupron came into the picture. 

I started Lupron on Friday and the side effects have hit me like a bus, but they are a bit different than the last time. Lupron is not only evil but also tricky. Thus far I am again plagued with the insomnia, vivid dreams/nightmares, hot flashes, headaches and nausea, but I am not crying three times a day or dealing with irrational thoughts. 

So, ya. You win some and you lose some.  Then again what do you expect from a drug that literally beats your ovaries into silence?

Why am I talking about Lupron again? I feel like there is not enough warning out there when it comes to Lupron because many people do not suffer the horrendous side effects or only deal with a few of them mildly.  Nobody wants to feel alone in Lupron hell, so if I can help others searching Google naked (because holy hotness!) in the early hours due to Lupron insominia - I will. 

So, if you are on Lupron and feel...

-like you were hit by a bus
-emotionally erratic to the extent you are breaking down in an ugly cry in the middle of the Target household section for no reason whatsoever
-narcoleptic but when bedtime comes around plagued by insomnia
-like your head is being pounded with a sledge hammer
-like you are losing your mind and putting odd objects in places (pasta in fridge, cell phone in the freezer, etc), leaving the dog outside because you forgot about him/her or writing the salutation of an email in the "to" field (speaking from experience)
-like ripping off all of your clothes, because HOLY HOTNESS OF HELL

Ya, its just Lupron.  This too shall pass.  I find the symptoms ease up once the stimulation phase begins, but that's just me.  This is my second cycle, and as I said above my first was much more emotional, but then again the *fun* has just begun! 

2nd Retrieval by the numbers

21 days of birth control
23 days of Lupron injections
25 Follistim injections (3 1/2 900 IU cartridges)
6 monitoring appointments
34 acupuncture appointments
3 books read
48 Instagram posts
36 bottles of Smart Water
234234 times listened to Rachel Platten "Fight Song"

&

22 eggs retrieved

6 Days on the Board

I had my first monitoring appointment yesterday and drum roll... the Lupron and BCP did not over suppress me which I have been worried sick about.  

I had a few follicles between 10-12, and my med dosage was not increased. I will most likely have retrieval the end of next week.  

I found out my IVF nurse is also an IVF patient. She explained that her first cycle was Antagonist and her second was Lupron. She responded much better to the Lupron cycle. Lets hope I am the same, mmmkay? I can then forgive the horrendous side effects.  She then asked if her new trainee could be at my next monitoring appointment.  My response, "You know what they say... one's company, two's a crowd and three's a party."

At this point, all I can do is laugh.

This has been a rough cycle. The Lupron side effects, a sick pup and my due date for my most recent pregnancy loss quickly approaching its a lot for me to emotionally handle. My heart is heavy and saying my heart is fragile is an understatement. 

As difficult as it is, I am trying my best to stay positive for the future while grieving the past. 

Baseline

IVF is unpredictable but can promise you a ridiculous amount of injections, blood draws, awkward silence during vaginal ultrasounds and waiting. 

stylishly waiting

My RE and IVF nurse are definitely not the most punctual in the field, but from hearing others stories most are not.  I really cant complain when I see my IVF nurse and her beaming smile as she comes to greet me in the waiting room. She's the best, and she texts. Who doesn't love an IVF nurse that will communicate with you via text? 

Anyhow, today was my baseline which went like this; waiting for my fashionably late IVF nurse, blood draw, awkward vaginal ultrasound and receiving my calendar.   

The ultrasound went well - no cysts and an AFC (Antral Follicle Count) of 17.

As I have said before my RE has switched things up this go around. In addition to the change of protocol from Antagonist to Lupron, I am now only stimming with Follistim (200 iu in the morning & 175 iu in the evening) and the 5 units of Lupron) rather than Follistim and Menopur. 

The reasoning can pretty much be found in this case study. 

I am willing to give it a go.  The way I figure, switching it up, ups our chances of finding a good egg in our batch.  So, lets all pray that we receive at least another 4 embryos for PGS testing.

An Open Letter to Lupron

Dear Lupron,

We have been together for 6 days, and at first I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I figured you would be just as harmless as the variety of other IVF medications I have stuck myself with. I was wrong, so ridiculously wrong.

Who would have thought the minuscule 10 units of you that I inject would cause so much havoc. The tiny insulin needle I use to inject you is seemingly so innocent. Your affects are better suited for a 1 1/2 subcutaneous injection in my ass.

It began with a constant dull headache, then nausea and then came the unexpected and irrational emotional tears. An average of two solid cries before noon.

Of course the abuse hasn't stopped there.

I feel like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man with half the intelligence. I may or may not have been searching my car for my cell phone this morning using the flashlight of said cell phone.

More recently you have blessed me with exhaustion, zits and impending doom. I have to remember to keep the impending doom to myself because when vocalized I can see my husband contemplating throwing me in a padded room.

As you can see, I am not very happy with you or your unwanted side effects.  However, I am willing to put all this behind us if you continue to keep the hot flashes to yourself, but feel free to send some of the lack of appetite because I am eating anything and everything in sight.

At your mercy,

K

Between Cycle Bullets

It has been 44 days since my egg retrieval.  I can't say time has dragged, but its beginning to put a toll on me. The waiting to cycle that is. I have my ups and downs, and at this point am desperate to cycle again. Just waiting for Day 1 to begin this fun filled roller-coaster of an estimated 34 days to retrieval (at least that's how many days it was last time).  I stress estimated because as we know nothing is certain when it comes to IVF. 

I figured I would unload my random thoughts of all things fertility related into one blog post, and for that I shall present you with bullets. Oh who doesn't love a lazy bullet filled post!

• I really wish I would have begged my RE a bit harder in regards to not waiting a cycle to begin another round. There is no scientific study saying that waiting another round is beneficial. I think she was less willing to agree because of my body's temper tantrum after retrieval.  Alas, we are almost there right?

• It has been a bit harder than I had imagined because of our choice to bank cycles for PGD/PGS testing. I find myself ridiculously happy for those who are cycling and transferring fresh embryos, but I also find myself a tad bit envious.

• I have been nitpicking everything regarding my first cycle. I am happy to have 4 embryos, but in reality a more "normal" number would be 6 because we did have 13 eggs that were fertilized. The assumed issue from the get-go was egg quality and its quickly becoming a reality. I could speak more in-depth with the embryologist, but I have been avoiding doing so because the only thing it will do is possibly stress me out even more.  I am also nitpicking my response to the meds. I was slow to respond with my original stim dosage doubling and then bam after the trigger shot I erupted with quite a few more eggs than expected. It's like my ovaries suddenly woke up.  Obviously, I have been Googling my afternoon away. 

• I cried tears of joy when one of my sock buddies got the news that she was pregnant after her first IVF cycle I also cried tears of sadness when one of my sock buddies got the news that she wasn't pregnant.

• As I said above and numerous times in different posts the ups and downs are rough. I lost it on the way to work today. It's difficult to be positive 100% of the time and when I let the smallest negative thought in I find myself losing it.  Doesn't help that both my due dates are quickly approaching.  To think I should have a soon to be 5 year old, newborn and who knows maybe one in between. Ya, not sure how to find the positive in all of that.

• I am still eating GF/DF. I have been a bit looser on my zero caffeine and alcohol. I have probably had 2 cups of coffee in the last 44 days and about 3 alcoholic beverages.  I have had minor slip-ups with the GF/DF lifestyle. Such as eating Caprese salad and totally forgetting about the mozzarella. It's not as easy as you think! I am also eating way too much processed gluten and dairy free stuff than I should.  My acupuncturist who also is a nutritionist is having me keep a food diary for a week and will be going over things with me Tuesday. I have already forewarned her that my diet can be summed up as that of a kindergartner. 

• I also find myself dreaming of a Caribbean or an out of the country vacation. That is obviously not happening in the near future.  Alas, I can dream. We do have a quick little trip to Michigan the end of July which will have to do for now!

So, any day now...

P.S. This week has been a major fail in regards to my AM routine. I thought you were going to be holding me accountable??

What We Wish You Knew

I have been very open regarding our baby making struggles with the hopes of spreading awareness. I have also hoped that my willingness to be so open would develop an understanding to those close to me. An answer to my tears, fears and anxiety. I wanted to compile a few tid-bits of what others wish their family and friends knew regarding their own fertility struggles.  Once you have an idea of what someone is going through it makes things so much easier to understand.

• Infertility has a tendency to take over your life.  There is no woman on a bigger mission than a woman trying to conceive. Whether you are at the beginning of your journey and obsessing over your cycle and peeing on every stick you can get your hands or going through treatments where your life is controlled by your IVF/IUI calender and RE's recommended bedtime.

• It's an emotional rollercoaster with so many ups and downs.  The whole journey is a journey into the unknown.   

• We could do without the unsolicited advice.  There is no need to share your list of reasons why living childless is awesome or mention adoption because there are plenty of children in this world looking for parents. Just dont.

• It's okay to ask questions. Those struggling with infertility are some of the strongest women I know. It is better to ask questions than to assume. People will share what they are comfortable sharing.

• Holidays are often brutal. It doesnt matter what the holiday - they can all be triggers. Do your best to respect boundaries without judgment and with compassion.

• The majority of insurance companies do not cover infertility treatments. In fact, they are looked upon as "elected procedures" because ya know infertility treatments are just so similar to breast implants. The financial strain of infertility is just as real as the emotional strain.

I jumped on Instagram to ask for other's opinions on what they with their family and friends knew regarding their infertility struggles and/or ART (assistant reproductive technology).  Here are a few...

• That it is okay to just say "good luck", I am here to listen and I am sorry.  We are not looking for advice, just support. (ttc_baby_r)
• That it really is *that* hard.  So many people, yes even family seem to think we overreact, that it cant hurt that much.  It does.  (audreyandmyangels & Blog)
• The expense is one of the hardest parts, so support me emotionaly and be respectful of what I am going through, but also dont judge me when I can't go out or take a trip.  It adds additional stress that I don't need. (icsibittybabydreams)

According to Resolve, infertlity is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying.  Infertility is a disease that affects 10% of the population. 

What do you wish the other 90% of the population knew?

An Announcement

Up until recently I had little to no advice regarding dealing with pregnancy announcements when you are dealing with fertility issues of your own.  I have now lived it and fortunately for me it was not something the person giving the announcement took lightly but rather with care and sensitivity.

I have decided to be honest and open regarding this crazy rollercoaster we are on and in this circumstance it worked in my favor.  What we are going through is not a secret, and in its openness it creates friends and family who are supportive, compassionate and sensitive (for the most part - life isnt perfect and I will not pretend it is).

The gut reaction will be at the very least, discomfort – I am not going to lie.  Although, this discomfort has nothing to do with the announcement or the happiness you have for the other person.  It has everything to do with what you are longing for.  It brings up raw emotions from the past.  You are human and this is totally to be expected. A pregnancy announcement is an emotional trigger of a whirlwind of emotions for those struggling with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.

I personally felt genuine happiness but I also felt a heap load of other feelings. The theme goes on "its a lot".

I have realized one person's happiness  is not equal to extreme happiness in myself. This is human nature.  Does that make sense?  I was happy for the other person but that does not mean I was equally as happy as the other person and this is not purely due to my own fertility struggles. I don’t think anyone can feel the extreme happiness of another person as you are not the other person.  You would not hold others to these expectations, so why must you hold yourself to them?  I don’t think it’s fair to blame it all on one’s fertility struggles and it is unfair to set expectations like that for yourself.  You can feel happy and also feel other not so wonderful feelings. If you are lucky as I was, the person giving the news would totally understand this and have absolutely no expectations of your reaction.  This my friends is love and true friendship.

You follow?

It’s important to remember the courage it may have took your friend/family member to tell you the news.  They may not completely understand your journey, but they can offer you friendship and support.  As you can offer the same friendship and support in return.

Most importantly, do what you can – when you can with a focus on your comfort level. Give yourself time.  Cry if you need to.  Feel the feelings you have. Protect yourself from those not so fabulous feelings.

 

I know some women are much more private regarding their struggles, but if you ever come across this blog and need someone to talk to – please do not hesitate commenting or emailing me at naturallyunbalancedk@gmail.com

Loss, Infertility and Marriage

It’s not easy. 

We have argued, disagreed and cried.

My husband and I have been through a lot together, but pregnancy loss has been by far the most difficult.  The last couple of months have been an emotional roller-coaster; endless doctor’s appointments, numerous tests, bad news, financial strain and extremely difficult decisions.  The future holds uncertainty, but for certain the next few months will hold the same stress on our relationship.

The truth is we are not perfect and our relationship is not perfect. We are not always emotionally on the same page. In my opinion, there is a huge gender difference when it comes to dealing with obstacles such as infertility and pregnancy loss.

I have learned that a man has an instinct to “fix” problems, and in this case his hands are tied.  The heartbreak I see on his face when he sees me depressed or anxious breaks my heart, but in the throes of everything I cannot “snap out of it”.  The wicked thoughts begin, and I immediately feel he is not invested as I because his reactions cannot even touch my extreme emotions.

However, we have made it to today because we love each other unconditionally, and both know in our hearts we can survive anything. On most occasions when nobody can; he can reassure me, calm me  and love me when I am not very lovable.  I am sure there are plenty more arguments, disagreements and tantrums (by me) in our future, but we are in this together. 

There are dark days but there are also bright days. 

His love for me does not go unnoticed.  We have learned just how invested we are into one another and have learned quite a lot about each other through this difficult process.  We have learned to tread lightly and treat each other with more compassion.  We argue less and talk more. My tone is softer and he has become more patient. We are beginning to live more in the moment and focusing more on each other.  As you can see there are benefits from any struggle.  These are a few of ours.

What the days ahead will bring us is unknown, but as of right now one of our goals is strengthening our marriage.  It's been proven a weak marriage it not likely to withstand the emotional roller-coaster of infertility.   

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Sonohysterogram - Holy Moly that sounds overwhelming and painful especially seeing it involves a catheter

Well, if you find this blog searching "sonohysterogram" because who doesn't google the sh#* out of procedures before they endure them. I sure do. I may or may not have performed the following Google searches:

Sonohysterogram painful
Sonohysterogram complications
Sonohysterogram death
Sonohysterogram bleeding

I felt very slight cramping nothing unbearable, a bit uncomfortable seeing this was the first time my therapist for my ovaries became more than that, but totally doable. I didn't take any Tylenol prior to the procedure and I think if I would have I wouldn't have event felt the tiny twingy cramps that I did feel.  Easy peasy. You got this.

The good great news is no fibroids and no scar tissue. According to my RE I have a " healthy nice looking uterus". I probably should have brought one of the pictures home with me to display on my fridge. I may or may not have exclaimed "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"

We are still awaiting our karyotypes and we briefly discussed the next steps which will be waiting for Day 1 of my cycle, beginning birth control pills for a couple of weeks, discontinuing the baby aspirin and beginning Lupron and then other injectables.

There are ups and downs to life and this is definitely an up.  A small up but an up.  I need to practice being more mindful.  As of right now, I am thankful for getting through this procedure without pain and with a positive outcome.

It is day by day around here and I need to strengthen my ability to ride the waves.

An Interview of Sorts

I was up at 5:30 AM (this never happens), took a hot shower and reviewed my notes.  I felt like I was preparing for a job interview, but instead was preparing for our IVF with PGD/PGS consultation with our RE.

As I have said in the past, an appointment with our RE is “therapy” for my ovaries, but this appointment was more like an interview to see if we wanted her to be more than that.   

I had researched my brain off regarding everything, so I was quite aware of the procedures but still had questions such as: qualifications of the person doing the biopsy, lab that completes the genetic testing, willingness to bank cycles and a few other things that I can’t remember right now.  Because holy information.

My questions were answered and we were able to meet the embryologist that performs the biopsy. He assured me it wasn’t his first rodeo and in the end it’s the laser doing all of the work.  Oh technology.  He is also a geneticist and he quickly explained to us that we do not know who carries the translocation yet, and the first step is finding out who does.  I told him I was pretty sure it was me.  My husband’s tests are, according to my RE, “stellar” and through my research this was a clear sign I am carrying the translocation.  In addition, our losses were caused by more chromosomes rather than less chromosomes another sign it is most likely the egg.  He glanced at my husband’s tests and quickly agreed with me, but explained karyotyping still needs to be completed to ensure the genetics lab has a probe fit for our situation.  I felt better meeting the person who would be performing the biopsy. I had imagined a young intern of sorts monkeying around in lab.  Luckily, the man was seasoned, intelligent and could handly my husband and I's jokes.

Where are we now? 

We have decided to go forward with IVF with PGD/PGS.  I am scheduled for a Saline Infusion Sonohysterography this Wednesday.  It sounds like an exotic facial treatment but it’s really an ultrasound to look for scar tissue in my uterus because of my previous D&C’s.  Oh uterus, please do not fail me now.

We are awaiting karyotyping results

I must continue taking aspirin because of the thrombophilia shenanigans.

We must remember, we are extremely fortunate to be able to even attempt IVF with PGD/PGS and this cannot be taken for granted.  I need to pull myself together for a crazy few months and remember that God has a plan for us.  We have been through so much already, and I know in my heart we can get through anything.