#thisandthat

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that...

• My obsession with Target is getting out of hand.  I was there three times last week. I get a high by purchasing cleaning products from Target. Hell, I get a high when I walk into the doors of Target. #whatiswrongwithme? It doesn't help that it is 1.6 miles from my house. Everything is better at Target.

•  Work is picking up which in reality is #perfectbutnotperfect timing.  The being busy will assist in keeping my mind busy, but my FET will  be in the midst of busy season. Luckily I have the best coworkers a  gal could ask for.

• We celebrated and are in the midst of celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary (2/8).  My husband couldn't wait to exchange gifts, so that happened last Friday.  He came home with cards and flowers on our true anniversary and I greeted him at home with a plethora of suhi rolls. Alright, the sushi rolls were for me also. We are ending #anniversaryweek with dinner tomorrow evening. 

• I have been struggling to write a couple of blog posts including one regarding our last pregnancy loss.  Our last miscarriage began on the evening of our anniversary and it has proven to be very difficult to write about it. I was hoping to because I feel spreading awareness is oh so important, but I just haven't been able to. I think it would be easier if I password protected it, so it's in the works.  #lotsoffeelings

• My obsession with Downton Abbey is #ooc. I was very close to buying some DA inspired pajamas on Etsy, have found my British accent and have been seriously contemplating taking up duck hunting. #castleporn 
  

• Anyone have big Valentine's Day plans? My husband and I are usually pretty low key especially since we are now married and our anniversary is less than a week before Valentine's Day. The usual is lottery tickets and a small gift for him, edible arrangement for me and a heart shaped pizza. So what are you up to? #livingvicariouslythisvalentinesday

•  Have I mentioned how much I love the Instagram #ttc and #ivf  community? These ladies have truly gotten me through some of my  toughest times, kept my mind busy and are able to truly understand  the roller coaster of #ttc. I urge you to check out the mentioned  hashtags if you are in a similar spot. It's a wonderful support group  we have going there. #infertilitysucks #ivfsisters

Alright, I am all out of hashtags.  What have you all been up to? 

What We Wish You Knew

I have been very open regarding our baby making struggles with the hopes of spreading awareness. I have also hoped that my willingness to be so open would develop an understanding to those close to me. An answer to my tears, fears and anxiety. I wanted to compile a few tid-bits of what others wish their family and friends knew regarding their own fertility struggles.  Once you have an idea of what someone is going through it makes things so much easier to understand.

• Infertility has a tendency to take over your life.  There is no woman on a bigger mission than a woman trying to conceive. Whether you are at the beginning of your journey and obsessing over your cycle and peeing on every stick you can get your hands or going through treatments where your life is controlled by your IVF/IUI calender and RE's recommended bedtime.

• It's an emotional rollercoaster with so many ups and downs.  The whole journey is a journey into the unknown.   

• We could do without the unsolicited advice.  There is no need to share your list of reasons why living childless is awesome or mention adoption because there are plenty of children in this world looking for parents. Just dont.

• It's okay to ask questions. Those struggling with infertility are some of the strongest women I know. It is better to ask questions than to assume. People will share what they are comfortable sharing.

• Holidays are often brutal. It doesnt matter what the holiday - they can all be triggers. Do your best to respect boundaries without judgment and with compassion.

• The majority of insurance companies do not cover infertility treatments. In fact, they are looked upon as "elected procedures" because ya know infertility treatments are just so similar to breast implants. The financial strain of infertility is just as real as the emotional strain.

I jumped on Instagram to ask for other's opinions on what they with their family and friends knew regarding their infertility struggles and/or ART (assistant reproductive technology).  Here are a few...

• That it is okay to just say "good luck", I am here to listen and I am sorry.  We are not looking for advice, just support. (ttc_baby_r)
• That it really is *that* hard.  So many people, yes even family seem to think we overreact, that it cant hurt that much.  It does.  (audreyandmyangels & Blog)
• The expense is one of the hardest parts, so support me emotionaly and be respectful of what I am going through, but also dont judge me when I can't go out or take a trip.  It adds additional stress that I don't need. (icsibittybabydreams)

According to Resolve, infertlity is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying.  Infertility is a disease that affects 10% of the population. 

What do you wish the other 90% of the population knew?

Always Evolving

The last five years have been years of major personal development. I have realized who I am, but even more importantly I have accepted who I am. In the midst of figuring out myself there has been a constant shift in friendships. 

I look back through failed and successful friendships.  These friendships whether failed or successful have changed me as a person.  They have allowed me to grow. The ending of a friendship can be necessary for personal growth and as we get older our time to nurture our friendship becomes minimal. 

My early 20s were spent surrounding myself with friends for that "season" of my life. Frienship was centered upon club hopping and alcohol.  Frienship in my 20s could be summed up as a "party" and that is completely okay. Changes began to occur in my priorities, likes/dislikes and what I was looking for in a friendship. These changes lead to frienships ending.

As I started getting older I started to distinguish healthy friendships with toxic friendships.  I felt more and more comfortable within my own skin and more confident to end toxic friendships.  I realized the more "friends" that surrounded me did nothing for me and my own personal growth especially if the frienship proved toxic. 

Friendships in your 30s have proven to be very different.  There is a focus on quality rather than quanity.  Lives are busy with time being more valuable.  In turn, you are prone to be more choosy with who you are spending your time with. You have developed  solid passions and interests.  The frienships of my 30s are built on a solid foundation of two people with similar interests, respect for each other's opinions and time. The frienships I have now are built on mutual respect for the seperate lives we lead and the understanding we do not need a weekly dinner date to solidify our frienship.

If you are growing as a person it is inevitable that you will outgrow some or all of your friends. There is always that sense of obligation but staying true to yourself is the most important objective.

The Interview

{my life's current theme song}

Being the curious human being that I am I watched the Bruce Jenner interview Friday and it was hands-down one of the most educational, heart wrenching and real interviews I have ever seen. It answered all of the questions that were flooding mine and so many other people's minds. I felt this interview was a turning point in the awareness of the transgender community. Let's hope this story becomes a positive influence on our society of diverse individuals and identities.  A story promoting acceptance, kindness and the understanding of other people's unspoken battles.

“Have an open mind and an open heart” – Bruce Jenner

I have also been "you tubing" his son Brandon and daughter-in-law Leah's music. I am in love with this particular song, but also love this one.