A Lot

We received the chromosomal testing on the baby; Trisomy 13 – meaning three copies of chromosome 13 in each cell versus two copies in each cell.  I had a hunch it was another chromosomal loss seeing 50% (or something like that) of miscarriages are indeed chromosomal.  I also had a hunch we were having a boy – also true, but all of this information also turned me into a blubbering, crying mess at my desk on Wednesday.   How can bad luck happen twice and why?! Oh why?! Bad luck is extremely hard to accept, but we have no choice but to accept it right now. There is no way to fix bad luck, but to conquer the fear of bad luck happening again.

The truth is we know much more than others, as many couples receive a normal female karyotype (46xx) from the testing and in many cases this cannot be counted on as true.  The normal karyotyping could be the mother’s tissue being analyzed because the fetal tissue is unable to be separated from the mother’s tissue.  You know science.

Chromosomal testing on two out of two losses is not the norm.  

Our first loss was an extremely rare situation, so chromosomal testing was done.  Our second loss we were lucky enough to also receive chromosomal testing because it was our second loss and we wound up having to rush to the ER.  In both cases, we received heartbreaking, gut wrenching answers but they were answers. So in essence we are extremely lucky to have two chromosomal findings in our losses.  Does that make sense? Sometimes the unknown sounds “better”, but I know in my heart this is not true.  Both losses are numerical chromosome losses and in most cases have nothing to do with the genetics of Mother and Father.   However, there is the possibility and they can be due to sperm or egg quality.    

Luckily for me, we had our “therapy for my ovaries” RE appointment the next day.  She hasn’t received all of our test results back, but thus far the glucose/insulin levels have checked out normal, Vitamin D is as expected and testosterone level is normal.  However, I have slightly higher than normal androgen levels.  She explained they were not extremely elevated by any means, but the next course of action would be a retest.  Overall she wasn’t very concerned about them. 

She stressed how fortunate we were to have all of the information we have, which I know but unfortunately doesn’t make it any easier. We then heard the dreaded “extremely bad luck” and the fact that Trisomy 13 is nowhere near as rare as our first 20 week Triploidy pregnancy. The odds of Trisomy 13 are something like 1 in 10,000. Odds are scary when you keep falling victim to them.

She followed that up with all of the positive information we have in our corner such as the implantation success of this uterus of mine. I find it amusing how during situations like this you grasp on to what you have that is “normal” and “functioning”.  My uterus is awesome.  She stressed the importance of the vitamins.  I then asked for more vitamin recommendations.  She hesitated to add any because I think she senses that I drive myself crazy with worry and researching. Alas,  I will be adding magnesium and a real food based B vitamin. We then discussed  the next course of action which will be to wait for the remainder of the tests to come back and if all checks out we shall try again. This I knew was coming as the diagnosis for bad luck is to try again.  This time around, I will use Clomid in the hopes of eggs which are fresher and more hardy.  A process called Superovulation in hopes for a super, amazing well-balanced egg.   It only takes one!!  This I keep telling myself.  I also plan on inquiring about acupuncture, as through my research, blood flow to the uterus may be an issue.  

We thanked her and I told her its truly like leaving a therapist when we come to see her. I am always leaving with hope and a positive outlook, but its a lot.