Loss

Unfortunately, pregnancy loss is not something that is "new" to us.  Although, it is not new it is raw and the pain of this loss has been excruciating.

We announced my pregnancy on Saturday and suffered a miscarriage Monday evening.

I plan to recount our loss and the happiness this tiny baby brought us, but for now I want to recount what I have learned over the past few days.

It has been a traumatic couple of days, but the days were also filled with certain things I do not want to forget.  These lessons or thoughts are things I never want to forget. Lessons of love. Lessons of never taking life for granted.  Lessons of strangers who have helped me through my most difficult moments.

I am thankful for...

The love that surrounds us and the family and friends we have that know exactly how to comfort us and exactly what to say or what not to say.

The nurses and doctors at the ER who coached me through with encouragement and sincere love.  I will never forget the nurses whispers into my ear of "You have done nothing wrong, you are a wonderful Mother"  "You are stronger than you think"  "You will get through this"  I have never experienced such loving medical professionals, and really opened my eyes to the compassion of strangers.

The professional and knowledge of the on-call OB.  I am a strong believer in natural medicine, but I also am grateful for medical intervention.  I attempted to do things naturally at home, but intervention was necessary.  The on-call OB did everything in her power to respect my wishes of not having to undergo another D&C (which I wound up having to - but promised me only suction was necessary) and doing it just in time so that I did not hemorrhage anymore to make sure a blood transfusion was necessary.

My husband.  I cannot put into words the love I have for this man. His strength and his ability to calm me in our deepest despair.  His unwillingness to give up on me, us or a baby.  It pains me because I sometimes lose faith when I look at statistics of pregnancy loss and divorce, but in my heart I know we have this.

The happiness and excitement this pregnancy brought us.  It hurts that it is over. Hurt is an understatement, but I cannot forget the happiness and excitement it brought us.